We Found An Apartment

Okay, so it is neither of the apartments that I had posted about before.  It is located on Hinsdale Street right near Cobbs Hill Park, and just a few blocks from Upper Monroe.  Here are some pictures:

The front of the house (we are the second floor apartment).  There is a secondary entrance from the driveway on the side of the house that enters into the kitchen.

The kitchen:

The dining room (with lots of windows) and the living room (with a decorative fireplace):

The enclosed sun room, taken from the dining room looking through the living room, and then from the living room:

There is also a bathroom and three bedrooms, and a basement with a washer and dryer.  It has all hardwood floors and off-street parking in the driveway (they do snow removal).  The rent is $725/month.

One major thing off the list, thanks to Kelly’s decisiveness.

We also got our car back today, $1,507.40 later.  At least it runs!  Kelly did the amazing job of actually going to the mechanic and making them explain everything in detail to his satisfaction.  And we got a one-year warranty on all the parts they replaced, which ended up being a huge part of the engine.  So actually, that’s two things off the list.  Yay Kelly!

I went to the doctor yesterday to check out this crotch rash that hadn’t been going away.  I’d been treating it with antifungal powder my midwife prescribed, since I have had itchiness there due to fungus before.  It turns out that this is a bacterial infection called folliculitis (because the hair follicles get infected) and now I am treating it with an antibiotic cream.  I hope it goes away soon.

I have a midwife appointment tonight.

14 Suter Terrace

So, here it is: our new apartment (I think).  It all looks amazing except for the basement, which completely skeezes me out.  It’s an unfinished basement, and it is not very clean.  I think I will ask the landlord about cleaning it, or I will pay a cleaning service to come clean it so I can feel comfortable going down there to do the laundry all the time.  Everything else seems good…it’s spacious, clean, and will be fresh when we move in: new cabinets, new kitchen floor, complete repaint.

I hate making this decision, though.  I’ll see what Kelly thinks when he comes home tonight.  $700/month is $5 more than we paid for a studio in Oakland and $200 less than we pay for a one bedroom in Somerville, and is a very good price for a 2 1/2 bedroom in Rochester.

It’s not small, but that just means I will have dancing room.

Another apartment…

Okay, so we finally got to see pictures of the place I described in my last post, and we concluded that it is dark and kind of scuzzy.  No bowed window, as Ellen had thought – and very few windows overall.  The bathroom is an add-on that seems pretty minimal and gross.  Ellen’s looking at one more apartment today.  This one is a large 1/2 house (the landlord lives in the other half).  It’s 2 1/2 bedrooms for 700.00 + utilities (average about 150.00 a month).  Eat in kitchen, living room, dining room, private washer/dryer in unit, all hardwood floors, and off street parking.  Within walking distance of Cobbs Hill Park (which has a lake you can swim in), a good public library, and shops on Monroe.  If it looks as good as it sounds, I think we will go for this one instead.  The location is really good, the amount of space is better, and it’s in our price range.  I just hope that this one doesn’t contain any nasty surprises!  We’ll hear from Ellen tonight about her visit.

Also, our car has just gone from “occasional clanking noise that the mechanics identified as the muffler, but which didn’t seem to be causing any problems” to “has trouble starting to the point where we need to put the hazard lights on because our automatic engine is lugging.”  We’re taking it in Thursday.  Yay.

Probable Future Apartment

Details: This place is the bottom story of a small two-story house (the top story houses a studio with a woman in her 40s who goes to theological school). It’s got a private entrance with a wide (5 or 6 feet) covered porch. You walk directly into the living room, and straight ahead you see the dining room through an arched doorway and the kitchen beyond that. The wall to the left is the outer wall to the house and has windows. The dining room has a bowed window. The kitchen is of a good size, with room for a large island or a small table and chairs. There is a stacked washer/dryer unit which may also fit into the kitchen. In the living room the door to a small bedroom or office space is on your right. Off the dining room is a door to a larger bedroom, a pair of mirror-front doors which enclose a very shallow storage space, and the door to the bathroom. The bathroom has a full tub. The apartment is carpeted throughout with a low-pile gray carpet. The kitchen and bathroom have linoleum tile, I think.  There is a very tiny backyard with a fence.

Location: This place is located on a quiet residential street between two quiet residential streets in the South Wedge neighborhood in Rochester. It’s a walkable .08 mi from the Highland Public Library, 3 blocks from the Cinema Theater and other shops and restaurants on South Clinton Ave, half a mile from Highland Park (designed by Frederick Law Olmsted), and .07 mi from the weekly farmer’s market on Alexander Street. It’s 2 miles from Strong Memorial Hospital, where Kelly will be working, 3.5 miles from Kelly’s parents’ house, and 5 miles to the JCC. It’s within 4 miles of two different Reform temples, with two more within 10 miles.

Downsides/Compromises: The apartment has on-street parking, and it may be hard to find in the neighborhood. It means we’ll have to dig our car out in the winter again, and deal with moving the car every 48 hours due to Rochester’s horrible parking regs. The apartment also has oil (not gas) heating, so we have to buy the oil to fill the tank and monitor to make sure we don’t run out. It has carpeting rather than hardwood flooring, which means we need to buy a new vacuum. I am thinking roomba?  The owner of the property is currently out of town so her niece is showing the place and will sign the lease (is that legal?).  Which means, we don’t have a clue about what our actual landlord will be like in terms of niceness, responsiveness, etc. when she returns.  The house is an older building and the owner purchased it 3 years ago.  During the walk-through, the inspector found signs of mice, but the foundation has since been sealed and the niece is not aware of any complaints about mice from the tenants.  When I asked how she would respond in case of pests, she was like, “it’s an older building…I can’t help that.”  What’s the right answer there?  We have seen no pictures of the inside or outside of the apartment, but it has not been described to us as cute.  There is almost no storage space and only a few very small closets.

Upsides: The rent is $550/month and because it’s a smaller apartment than others we have been looking at, utilities might not be as high as other places (less space to heat).  The apartment will be painted and cleaned and the carpets will be steam cleaned before new tenants move in.  It gets good light.

Remaining Questions:

- What are the dimensions of the rooms, especially the two bedrooms?
- Is there a second exit from the building other than the front door or could a window be used as egress in case of fire?  Are there working smoke and carbon monoxide detectors?
- Can all the windows be open and shut or are any painted shut?  Do the windows all have screens and storm windows?
- Are the baseboards tight to the walls and floor or are there cracks or warped boards?
- Is there good hot and cold water pressure from all the sinks and the bath?  Does the toilet have a strong flush?  Does the shower have a detachable head?
- Do all the oven burners function?
- Is there a thermostat to control the heat?  Is the heat a central furnace with floor/wall vents?

Gentle Readers,

What do you think?  Should we snap this up, knowing that it is not perfect but it is very cheap and in a great location?  Or, for those with children, do you think we need more space?  Rochester readers, what do you think about the price/location?  I think we’re going for it – I’ve asked for an application already.  But nothing has been signed yet!

Moving costs – help us think!

Hey guys, what do you think about cost versus trouble?

If we use a moving company to load a truck with our stuff, drive it to Rochester (next day arrival) and unload it, it would cost $2,625-3,000. Kelly would drive the car to Rochester and I would take the bus/train with the baby.

If we pay a local moving company to load the truck in Somerville, we rent a truck from Penske and Kelly drives it to Rochester, and then we pay another local moving company to unload it in Rochester, it would cost $400 for the movers in each city, plus $350 for the truck and approximately $250 in gas (assuming 450 miles / 8 miles to the gallon x $4.25/gallon), a total of $1400. (I think this plan would add a few other hidden costs, totaling maybe $300, making it about $1700.) But in this second plan, we have to figure out how to get the car to Rochester separately. I drive with the baby, just a week after giving birth? Does that seem realistic given that newborns need to feed and change diapers every 1-2 hours, so we would need to stop the car that often?

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Do any of my friends or family want to take a road trip with either Kelly (in a big truck) or I (in our car) from Somerville to Rochester? Or drive the car to Rochester for us and get bus/train fare back? Sounds fun, doesn’t it!!

It’s clearly much cheaper to arrange the labor and then do the drive ourselves, but it is also much more of a hassle. With all that’s going on, I’m not sure we need the hassle. On the other hand, a thousand-dollar difference in price is no laughing matter.

EDIT:

Alex reminded me that I have not gotten quotes from container storage companies (PODS, Door-to-Door).  I’ll price them out this weekend and then post how that compares.  It may be the best option, combining cheaper than full-service with not having to drive our junk ourselves.

oh boy I’m wet!

So, I looked down at my lap a few minutes ago and realized that there were specks of blood on my dress, and as I tilted my head to look down a whole big fat drip of blood fell out of my nose and was of course stopped valiantly in its fall by my stomach.  Spontaneous nosebleed!  I had to go to the bathroom and rinse out my whole dress and undershirt, and am now sitting at my desk in cold, clammy, completely wet clothes.  Yay!

This week has been very focused on two things: one, getting Kelly’s name legally changed before the baby arrives so it can be listed how he wants it on the birth certificate; and two, trying to find an apartment through craigslist using Kelly’s mom as a proxy to go look at places for us.  This way we can just move directly into our new apartment as soon after the baby is born as I feel able to go.  Kelly found out he has to be in Rochester by August 19, so hopefully I will give birth around my due date and we can go before then.  Kacey and Clancy had Kacey’s parents find a place for them when they moved to Cleveland, and that worked out well enough.  It seems like a better plan than going to Rochester to find a place and then coming back to move our stuff, or alternately moving to Kelly’s parents’ house and then doing a second in-town move.  Not sure how we’re going to pack, though.  Helpful volunteers?

Wow, 36 Weeks

Okay, I have finally made it to 36 weeks.  Just two more weeks until I am considered full-term!  And probably four or five weeks until I give birth.  It seems so close now.  Oh wait, that’s because it is close.

I have noticed that I am a lot moodier, which is probably due to a combination of factors:

1.) Not enough sleep.  Last night I was up until 11:30 with heartburn, but then I slept well until 7:15.  I only got up once to pee and fell right back asleep.  Also, tiring extra quickly.

2.) I think that the acyclovir makes me feel a bit out of sorts.  If I take it on an empty stomach I get a little nauseous.

3.) End of pregnancy hormones.  I have been extra weepy lately, and a little out of it – sort of disoriented, often having a feeling like I’ve forgotten something, not reacting sharply to situations that take actual thought.  It’s like the pregnancy brain fog I’ve been having has suddenly stepped up a bit.  On Saturday morning I spent like an hour weeping into the pillow for no reason.  Yay!

Kelly and I got a lot done, baby-wise, this weekend.  On Thursday after work we went to Diaper Lab and bought 10 newborn cloth diapers, some diaper covers (2 Thirsties X-Sm and 2 Happy Heinies X-Sm pocket diapers), 2 snappis, a roll of diaper liners, 12 flannel and 3 hemp cloth wipes, 2 pail liners, and 2 wet bags.  We wanted more newborn cloth diapers, but she was out of Green Mountain brand, and the alternate brand (All Together) hasn’t come in yet.   All Together doesn’t seem as soft and I wish we could have all Green Mountain brand, but on the other hand I have very little desire to spend an entire day in the laundromat washing and drying a load of diapers 8 times.  We also special ordered some Dappi diaper covers and Happy Heiny changing pads.

Yesterday we moved the other floor-to-ceiling shelves into the hallway and cleared out the corner for the baby.  He hauled the chair next to his side of the bed into the living room so I could take pictures of it and post the pair on craigslist.  We also moved the incredibly crappy chest of drawers out of the front room closet and into our bedroom for baby stuff.  I wiped all the drawers out, but I am going to try covering the bottoms with contact paper tonight.  We got this chest of drawers for free, and it was worth exactly what we paid.  It will be useful for the few weeks we are in Somerville with a baby, though.

Kelly also did some loads of baby laundry with a baby-friendly laundry soap, Ecos Free & Clear Liquid Laundry Detergent, purchased at our local Whole Foods.  Unlike All Free & Clear, which we currently use for laundry, Ecos has no additives or residues (such as optical brighteners).  Ecos is recommended for washing diapers.  We got the pleasure of going over all the cute outfits we received at our various showers and from Glenda and Alex.  Yay baby mittens!

The next step after getting all the baby clothes into the drawers will be cleaning the pile of clothes and junk off my chair and getting it out of the room and then setting up the bassinet (no, we haven’t done that yet).  We also really need to get the bags of books to sell and the bags of clothes to give away out of the house – they take up a LOT of space in the hallway.  The money the books generate will be poured back into baby and moving costs.  Some of the t-shirts we had planned to give away I rescued so I can cut them up into baby wipes.  I wish I had that sewing machine so I could serge the edges.  I found this awesome site about sewing your own diapers, but I am not sure that I am that motivated!

Kelly and I also prepared for baby in another way: we’ve received the advice to go to movies now, while we still can, so we went to see Hulk on the Fourth of July.  It was pretty good, except that the emotional climax of the film took place before the obligatory big-cgi-fight-scene climax, and the latter was waaay too long.  I really enjoyed the story, though.  Good characterization by Edward Norton and Bill Hurt, and actual chemistry between Liv Tyler and Norton (amazing since Liv never seems to have chemistry with anyone).  I’m really looking forward to the Batman movie coming out.  We’ve also been renting a lot of films, and two I highly recommend are Lone Star by John Sayles and Blame it on Fidel! by Julie Gavras.  Both really, really good examples of complex storytelling.  Of course, there’s been a lot of chaff as well.

We also got to hang with friends this weekend: Kelly at the Esplanade for fireworks on the 4th, and both of us on Saturday for an awesome game of Dungeon and Dragons at Summer’s house.  That was the most fun gaming I have had in a long time – not boring at all, and it made me want to do it again soon.

I got in a big argument with Kelly Saturday night though about whether we are living up to our vow to be hospitable, something we both take very seriously.  I’ve been so concerned lately with being at home and getting it all ready for the baby that I haven’t paid much attention to his desire to be social – and in the local group of friends maximum sociability comes with playing host to a party.  Not that we could have hosted the game (we just don’t have a table big enough), but we could have hosted the after-party and then offered a place for Josh and Casey to sleep over.  Or alternately, I could have personally opted out but not told Kelly he needed to be home by 10:30 so we could get a full night’s sleep and have the energy to work on the house the next day.  Sometimes my needs seem so loud to me that I forget that Kelly has needs too, and his priorities may not line up exactly with mine.  Or that even when our priorities do match, the way that we choose to fulfill them may differ.  Anyway, after talking it out we both felt a lot better.  We even had hot make-up sex the next day!

Current pregnancy fear: that the baby is in a side-lying position and will not turn head-down before the birth.  (They still move around a lot, so there doesn’t seem to be a big reason for concern.  I don’t feel that the baby is stuck, for instance.)

Current pregnancy excitement: after some focused nipple stimulation, I can get a large drop of colostrum out of each of my nipples.  The taps are on!

Okay, now I feel fat

Sorry to all the people out there who are like, “SARA!! You are NOT fat! You are 8 months pregnant and still skinny! You are skinny enough that if you wanted to you could easily hide your pregnancy with clothes and people would never know!” But I think I just passed the number which is the most I have ever weighed pre-pregnancy, and I feel big. My boobs are big. My stomach feels huge and is constantly moving around. This baby is gonna love a jumparoo or other rocking/bouncy toys…actually, it won’t even need them.  It can do it all on its own.  All of a sudden, I feel arms and legs, not just lumps. And my innie went from a snaggletooth to an outie – or, at least, it does every time the baby pokes it, which is pretty often.  Let’s just all agree that fatness, or even just “feeling fat,” is subjective, okay?

LOTS to update about! I am waaay behind and I know it. A recent lack of motivation has stalled me. Two weeks ago was my shower in Seattle. It was so amazing! First of all, because I love visiting Seattle. Second of all, because my auntie and closest friends FLEW UP FROM CALIFORNIA to attend. Third of all, it was great seeing my family – my Mom and Dad looked great, Alex and Steve are looking forward to moving into their own home later this summer, Linus is big (!) and walking (!!), and Hannah has amazing stories from her trip to Botswana and South Africa. I got to see a lot of people that I wish I could see a lot more often.

The shower was lots of fun! We got a ton of super-cute outfits, a moby wrap, a bassinet/changer/bedside sleeper, books, toys, and generous gift certificates, among other things. Plus a whole lot of love and vegan goodies. My Aunt Susie wrote a poem for the occasion which was very special. I will reprint it here:

I will never ever forget the day
That Sara Weisman came into this world
She was the first child to really ever come into my life
This beautiful baby girl!

I remember Karen sitting breastfeeding her
Both blissfully happy with no cares or woes
I couldn’t wait until they were finished
So I could play with her cute little fingers and toes

As a child, Sara was friendly and happy and always had a smile
She was the most fun and spirited little girl
She loved to listen to music
And always loved to dance and twirl

Grandma Betty was so in love with Sara
And proud as she could be
She would always share the exciting updates with me and Ettie
Having Sara for a granddaughter made her extremely happy!

Sisters came and life did change
No longer the only center of attention
But Sara coped and the girls grew close
With Karen, Mark, Lily, Val and Diane’s support and love, I must mention

And then Sara connected with Kelly
What a wonderful connection that turned out to be
They have been having a beautiful life together
And now a new chapter we all will see

Sara is going to be a mommy
Kelly a dad
Life is coming full circle
And for both of them we are so very glad

Picturing sweet Sara, at four
Twirling her blankie on the dance floor
Whoever would have thought
The daughter of my brother
Would be sitting with us today
About to be a mother!

So congratulations to Sara and Kelly
We know awesome parents you will surely be
We love and adore you both
And wish you all the best of life, love, health and most of all
To be happy!

All My Love,
Aunt Susie

How special is that, huh?  We also got Linus’s almost entire first year layette (clothes and diaper covers), which in addition to the huge box of baby clothes Glenda sent us and the stuff we have received at the showers means that we are basically all set up on the baby clothes front.

It was really nice to be pampered and “showered” with so much love during the trip.  Kelly and I have also been very much in love lately, and it was nice to get away from home with him.

Last week at work I had a second baby shower, this one with Tufts people.  That was also nice, although in a different way.  It made me appreciate how much community I have with the people I work with.  Pam was the life of the party with stories about raising her infant in Cairo, and other mothers had lots of advice and jokes.  We even got a strawberry vanilla cake from Whole Foods!  Pictures from this shower are up here.  (I have pictures from the other shower as well, and will share a web album soon.)  We received lots more cute clothes and a baby bath set which is very practical and useful.

I have been doing lots of research on cloth diapers.  I googled “cloth diaper Somerville” and was floored to find out that the store which carries cloth diapers is ONE BLOCK AWAY from me.  Seriously, I just walked across the street the other day and spent 2 hours with the proprietor fingering all the goods.  I will write another post solely on diapering because I have that much to say about it!!!

This past weekend, I had planned to drive to Rochester with Kelly for his youngest brother Casey’s high school graduation.  Unfortunately, I haven’t been sleeping well and I was completely knocked out by Friday, so Kelly ended up taking the bus alone and I stayed home all weekend.  To all the people who keep saying “Sleep now, while you can”: that is completely useless advice!  I only WISH I could sleep through the night!  I usually get up twice to pee, and fall right back asleep the first time but lay awake in bed after the second time.  And it can be very hard to get comfortable, so I toss and turn for a long time.  Oh, body pillow, why does your magic fail me?

Anyway, I was disappointed to not see Kelly’s family, to miss the graduation, to not get to cruise Rochester neighborhoods, and to miss out on the first apartment viewing that I orchestrated.  Kelly said of the apartment that I would have hated it and found it totally unacceptable.  I believe him!  Too smelly.  But I console myself with the idea that in two months I will be residing there, so I will have plenty of time with the fam and to get to know the city.  In the meantime, I spent the weekend culling more books for sale (I blew past my goal of 10 grocery bags and am now up to 14).  I also emptied one set of floor to ceiling shelves in the bedroom so Kelly and I could move it into the hallway last night.  We will do the same with the other set and then have plenty of room to create a baby corner, which I am raring to do.  Also we need to sell our bedroom chairs on craigslist.  Anyone local want some comfy, slightly bouncy chairs for a good price?

I am feeling ready to quit work and just be at home bring productive.  It takes a ton of time to declutter and get rid of stuff, which is what I really want to do before the move.  Not only am I great at tucking an amazing quantity of stuff into spaces you wouldn’t think could hold that much, but once you have gone through it and decided to give it away or sell it, you still have to do the work of hauling or posting it!  We gave away our vacuum, which is great.  I am so happy to not ever have to think about that again.  We also got a swiffer, which I enjoy using because it is easy and effective, but I wonder if there are chemicals even on the dry sweeping cloths – they smell funny to me.  The internet was not forthcoming.  Since I kicked up a lot of dust moving all those books and cleaning shelves, I ended up using a lot of dusting cloths.

I am nesting!!

Midwife appointment, Heat, Ultrasound

Last Wednesday (June 4) I had an appointment with Tiffany, my midwife.  The appointment went well.  I had a few questions for her, which were answered to my satisfaction.  How can you tell what position the baby is in?  (It’s too early to tell – the baby is still moving around a lot at this point.)  Will my anemia affect my ability to give birth in the birth center?  (Probably not – only very severe cases of anemia are transferred to the hospital.  Even though I am taking Floradix twice daily, I will probably get a bit more anemic as the pregnancy goes on because my blood volume will continue to expand and red blood cells take months to manufacture.  However, this should not be a problem.)  Tiffany filled out the forms for my FMLA maternity leave from Tufts, and I filled out a form to get my medical records released so I could take a copy of them with me to Seattle just in case.

As usual, I peed in a cup and got weighed and had my fundal height measured.  My fundal height was less than would be expected for my gestational age, so Tiffany ordered an ultrasound for me to make sure that the baby was developing normally.  Because babies vary so much in size, only babies who measure below the 10th percentile or above the 90th percentile in size are considered abnormal.  I was worried all week about it.  What if my baby wasn’t growing right?  There could be many possible reasons for this, including malfunctioning placenta and malnutrition.  All “mal” – bad!  On the other hand, the constant movement in my belly was very reassuring and the baby certainly feels big!

I had the ultrasound yesterday, and all is well.  I could not be more “normal” – my baby is in the 49th percentile in terms of size.  Exactly in the middle of the curve.  The ultrasound machine estimated his or her current height at just over 18 cm and current weight at over 4 and a half pounds.  Very reassuring!!  The only lame part about this ultrasound was getting jabbed really hard by the tech, who wanted to get a good shot of the skull circumference.  The baby (once again) was in a not-ideal position, with its head tucked down under my public bone.  It felt like the tech was trying to pry my pubic bone up with the wand.  Fun.  And for the rest of the day, the baby was grumpy, full of activity and wiggling.  I am sure it got a headache from all the pressure!

The other big pregnancy happening was the horrible heat this week.  The heat index got up to 105 degrees with the humidity on Tuesday, and the heat and humidity combined have been brutal.  Not only am I not sleeping well, but my feet have been swelling.  The weather is back down to 80 today though, which means my swelling is gone.  We have window unit A/Cs in our apartment, but they only cool the temperature to about 15 degrees below outside, so if it’s 100 outside it is still 85 in the apartment and too hot to sleep.  I am hoping that this whole summer will not be like that.  The trip to Seattle tomorrow sounds great, and I am really looking forward to the shower.

I keep logging on to TheThingsIWant.com to add more items to my list, but it is very overwhelming.  I think I need to actually go to some stores to see what they have.  It’s hard to tell, for instance, which stroller handle will be more comfortable in terms of angle, grip, and height without actually holding them.  Similarly, which crib is sturdiest and is the right height to bend over the rails.  I am going to try to add a few more things today, though.  Consumer Reports recommends the Chicco Key Fit as the best infant car seat, and that seems like the kind of thing you don’t want to skimp on.

Alex just emailed the baby shower menu, which sounds yummy enough that I am going to post it here.

Edamame dip with rice crackers, jicama, raw vegetables, etc.

Mango salsa wontons

Tofu and walnut stuffed mushrooms

Mini pizzas

Fruit cornucopia

Cupcakes, various sweets from Flying Apron vegan bakery

I am so excited to see my family and friends!!  And just for your information, I do like it when people put a hand on or rub my tummy.  I think people hesitate to do that, and I would be totally weirded out if a stranger did it, but I love it when my friends or family get to feel King Kong monkey around in there.  I recently discovered that my little munchkin (Mischieverina is our current nickname) loves to be rubbed as well.  If I rub or put hands on my sides, she or he moves so that she can get the attention, which is pretty uncomfortable for me!  If I just rub or put hands on the middle part of my belly and rub up and down rather than side to side, he will move into a much more comfortable vertical position.  Now I only rub in the middle up and down, and I think we’re both happier.  This kid is going to love getting massages!

New books I think I need: books on breastfeeding, infant massage, the first year of life, and infant health and care.  We’re going to take an infant CPR class, but I’m not sure I also need the breastfeeding class or the newborn essentials class.  Each class costs money!  I’ve looked into Rochester mommies groups, and there are a lot of them.  I am planning on hooking up with at least one group to make some friends when we move there.

I can’t wait to be in Sea-town!  Got to go buy those maternity compression hose for the plane today.

Ahhh, finally a feeling of certainty

Thank you to everyone who gave me support in my decision to drop the class (and especially Kelly, Dad, Mom, Alex, Adrianne, Ben, and Suya). After I had my professor sign the sheet and went home, I still felt very conflicted. I ended up writing her an email asking if I could take the course as an independent study this summer, rather than attending the class itself. It was only after I had done that that I gave myself permission to feel relief at not taking the course. And what a relief it was! I realized that my email was an attempt at bargaining, trying to avoid having to make any decision so that I would not have to accept the consequences. So I emailed my professor again, saying:

Now that I’ve written you that email, I’ve thought it over a bit more, and…I think I made the right decision to drop the course. Every decision seems definitive and life-changing right now, which makes me crazy, but I think the best thing for me at this moment is to put the degree on hold and reduce the stress in my life so I can focus on preparing for the birth, being a mother, moving, etc. Even without taking classes, there is a lot going on!

Thank you for being understanding and holding my hand through this process, fraught with indecision and hormone-induced panic as it has been.

She emailed me back this morning with a very nice note and told me that my degree will always be here to finish. Quite true!

Anyway, I went to bed happy, knowing I am doing the right thing for myself, our baby, and Kelly right now. He has a tough summer ahead, and this way I can be more supportive by picking up more of the chores and having more emotional energy to give. I woke up and the first thing I thought to myself was, “I slept the sleep of the Just.” I have a gut feeling of certainty now, of doing the right thing. Yay!

Prospect theory describes “how people make choices in situations where they have to decide between alternatives that involve risk.” (source)

“In prospect theory, loss aversion refers to the tendency for people strongly to prefer avoiding losses than acquiring gains. Some studies suggest that losses are twice as powerful, psychologically, as gains… This leads to risk aversion when people evaluate a possible gain; since people prefer avoiding losses to making gains… Conversely people strongly prefer risks that might possibly mitigate a loss (called risk seeking behavior).” (source)

I think that the loss aversion model is a good way of describing my reaction to this choice. Even though the gain of not taking any classes is substantial, the loss of the opportunity to graduate sooner and for less money was overwhelming me. I was also seeing this decision as all-or-nothing: if I take this class, I can finish my degree, and if I do not then I will drop out of the program. Seeing the loss as so substantial stacked my decision-making so that I focused on loss aversion. In reality, I can continue my degree at any time; I will just have to work out how with my advisor and pay for the full price of classes rather than receive a tuition discount.

Relief!