14 Suter Terrace

So, here it is: our new apartment (I think).  It all looks amazing except for the basement, which completely skeezes me out.  It’s an unfinished basement, and it is not very clean.  I think I will ask the landlord about cleaning it, or I will pay a cleaning service to come clean it so I can feel comfortable going down there to do the laundry all the time.  Everything else seems good…it’s spacious, clean, and will be fresh when we move in: new cabinets, new kitchen floor, complete repaint.

I hate making this decision, though.  I’ll see what Kelly thinks when he comes home tonight.  $700/month is $5 more than we paid for a studio in Oakland and $200 less than we pay for a one bedroom in Somerville, and is a very good price for a 2 1/2 bedroom in Rochester.

It’s not small, but that just means I will have dancing room.

Another apartment…

Okay, so we finally got to see pictures of the place I described in my last post, and we concluded that it is dark and kind of scuzzy.  No bowed window, as Ellen had thought – and very few windows overall.  The bathroom is an add-on that seems pretty minimal and gross.  Ellen’s looking at one more apartment today.  This one is a large 1/2 house (the landlord lives in the other half).  It’s 2 1/2 bedrooms for 700.00 + utilities (average about 150.00 a month).  Eat in kitchen, living room, dining room, private washer/dryer in unit, all hardwood floors, and off street parking.  Within walking distance of Cobbs Hill Park (which has a lake you can swim in), a good public library, and shops on Monroe.  If it looks as good as it sounds, I think we will go for this one instead.  The location is really good, the amount of space is better, and it’s in our price range.  I just hope that this one doesn’t contain any nasty surprises!  We’ll hear from Ellen tonight about her visit.

Also, our car has just gone from “occasional clanking noise that the mechanics identified as the muffler, but which didn’t seem to be causing any problems” to “has trouble starting to the point where we need to put the hazard lights on because our automatic engine is lugging.”  We’re taking it in Thursday.  Yay.

Probable Future Apartment

Details: This place is the bottom story of a small two-story house (the top story houses a studio with a woman in her 40s who goes to theological school). It’s got a private entrance with a wide (5 or 6 feet) covered porch. You walk directly into the living room, and straight ahead you see the dining room through an arched doorway and the kitchen beyond that. The wall to the left is the outer wall to the house and has windows. The dining room has a bowed window. The kitchen is of a good size, with room for a large island or a small table and chairs. There is a stacked washer/dryer unit which may also fit into the kitchen. In the living room the door to a small bedroom or office space is on your right. Off the dining room is a door to a larger bedroom, a pair of mirror-front doors which enclose a very shallow storage space, and the door to the bathroom. The bathroom has a full tub. The apartment is carpeted throughout with a low-pile gray carpet. The kitchen and bathroom have linoleum tile, I think.  There is a very tiny backyard with a fence.

Location: This place is located on a quiet residential street between two quiet residential streets in the South Wedge neighborhood in Rochester. It’s a walkable .08 mi from the Highland Public Library, 3 blocks from the Cinema Theater and other shops and restaurants on South Clinton Ave, half a mile from Highland Park (designed by Frederick Law Olmsted), and .07 mi from the weekly farmer’s market on Alexander Street. It’s 2 miles from Strong Memorial Hospital, where Kelly will be working, 3.5 miles from Kelly’s parents’ house, and 5 miles to the JCC. It’s within 4 miles of two different Reform temples, with two more within 10 miles.

Downsides/Compromises: The apartment has on-street parking, and it may be hard to find in the neighborhood. It means we’ll have to dig our car out in the winter again, and deal with moving the car every 48 hours due to Rochester’s horrible parking regs. The apartment also has oil (not gas) heating, so we have to buy the oil to fill the tank and monitor to make sure we don’t run out. It has carpeting rather than hardwood flooring, which means we need to buy a new vacuum. I am thinking roomba?  The owner of the property is currently out of town so her niece is showing the place and will sign the lease (is that legal?).  Which means, we don’t have a clue about what our actual landlord will be like in terms of niceness, responsiveness, etc. when she returns.  The house is an older building and the owner purchased it 3 years ago.  During the walk-through, the inspector found signs of mice, but the foundation has since been sealed and the niece is not aware of any complaints about mice from the tenants.  When I asked how she would respond in case of pests, she was like, “it’s an older building…I can’t help that.”  What’s the right answer there?  We have seen no pictures of the inside or outside of the apartment, but it has not been described to us as cute.  There is almost no storage space and only a few very small closets.

Upsides: The rent is $550/month and because it’s a smaller apartment than others we have been looking at, utilities might not be as high as other places (less space to heat).  The apartment will be painted and cleaned and the carpets will be steam cleaned before new tenants move in.  It gets good light.

Remaining Questions:

- What are the dimensions of the rooms, especially the two bedrooms?
- Is there a second exit from the building other than the front door or could a window be used as egress in case of fire?  Are there working smoke and carbon monoxide detectors?
- Can all the windows be open and shut or are any painted shut?  Do the windows all have screens and storm windows?
- Are the baseboards tight to the walls and floor or are there cracks or warped boards?
- Is there good hot and cold water pressure from all the sinks and the bath?  Does the toilet have a strong flush?  Does the shower have a detachable head?
- Do all the oven burners function?
- Is there a thermostat to control the heat?  Is the heat a central furnace with floor/wall vents?

Gentle Readers,

What do you think?  Should we snap this up, knowing that it is not perfect but it is very cheap and in a great location?  Or, for those with children, do you think we need more space?  Rochester readers, what do you think about the price/location?  I think we’re going for it – I’ve asked for an application already.  But nothing has been signed yet!

Moving costs – help us think!

Hey guys, what do you think about cost versus trouble?

If we use a moving company to load a truck with our stuff, drive it to Rochester (next day arrival) and unload it, it would cost $2,625-3,000. Kelly would drive the car to Rochester and I would take the bus/train with the baby.

If we pay a local moving company to load the truck in Somerville, we rent a truck from Penske and Kelly drives it to Rochester, and then we pay another local moving company to unload it in Rochester, it would cost $400 for the movers in each city, plus $350 for the truck and approximately $250 in gas (assuming 450 miles / 8 miles to the gallon x $4.25/gallon), a total of $1400. (I think this plan would add a few other hidden costs, totaling maybe $300, making it about $1700.) But in this second plan, we have to figure out how to get the car to Rochester separately. I drive with the baby, just a week after giving birth? Does that seem realistic given that newborns need to feed and change diapers every 1-2 hours, so we would need to stop the car that often?

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Do any of my friends or family want to take a road trip with either Kelly (in a big truck) or I (in our car) from Somerville to Rochester? Or drive the car to Rochester for us and get bus/train fare back? Sounds fun, doesn’t it!!

It’s clearly much cheaper to arrange the labor and then do the drive ourselves, but it is also much more of a hassle. With all that’s going on, I’m not sure we need the hassle. On the other hand, a thousand-dollar difference in price is no laughing matter.

EDIT:

Alex reminded me that I have not gotten quotes from container storage companies (PODS, Door-to-Door).  I’ll price them out this weekend and then post how that compares.  It may be the best option, combining cheaper than full-service with not having to drive our junk ourselves.

Wow, 36 Weeks

Okay, I have finally made it to 36 weeks.  Just two more weeks until I am considered full-term!  And probably four or five weeks until I give birth.  It seems so close now.  Oh wait, that’s because it is close.

I have noticed that I am a lot moodier, which is probably due to a combination of factors:

1.) Not enough sleep.  Last night I was up until 11:30 with heartburn, but then I slept well until 7:15.  I only got up once to pee and fell right back asleep.  Also, tiring extra quickly.

2.) I think that the acyclovir makes me feel a bit out of sorts.  If I take it on an empty stomach I get a little nauseous.

3.) End of pregnancy hormones.  I have been extra weepy lately, and a little out of it – sort of disoriented, often having a feeling like I’ve forgotten something, not reacting sharply to situations that take actual thought.  It’s like the pregnancy brain fog I’ve been having has suddenly stepped up a bit.  On Saturday morning I spent like an hour weeping into the pillow for no reason.  Yay!

Kelly and I got a lot done, baby-wise, this weekend.  On Thursday after work we went to Diaper Lab and bought 10 newborn cloth diapers, some diaper covers (2 Thirsties X-Sm and 2 Happy Heinies X-Sm pocket diapers), 2 snappis, a roll of diaper liners, 12 flannel and 3 hemp cloth wipes, 2 pail liners, and 2 wet bags.  We wanted more newborn cloth diapers, but she was out of Green Mountain brand, and the alternate brand (All Together) hasn’t come in yet.   All Together doesn’t seem as soft and I wish we could have all Green Mountain brand, but on the other hand I have very little desire to spend an entire day in the laundromat washing and drying a load of diapers 8 times.  We also special ordered some Dappi diaper covers and Happy Heiny changing pads.

Yesterday we moved the other floor-to-ceiling shelves into the hallway and cleared out the corner for the baby.  He hauled the chair next to his side of the bed into the living room so I could take pictures of it and post the pair on craigslist.  We also moved the incredibly crappy chest of drawers out of the front room closet and into our bedroom for baby stuff.  I wiped all the drawers out, but I am going to try covering the bottoms with contact paper tonight.  We got this chest of drawers for free, and it was worth exactly what we paid.  It will be useful for the few weeks we are in Somerville with a baby, though.

Kelly also did some loads of baby laundry with a baby-friendly laundry soap, Ecos Free & Clear Liquid Laundry Detergent, purchased at our local Whole Foods.  Unlike All Free & Clear, which we currently use for laundry, Ecos has no additives or residues (such as optical brighteners).  Ecos is recommended for washing diapers.  We got the pleasure of going over all the cute outfits we received at our various showers and from Glenda and Alex.  Yay baby mittens!

The next step after getting all the baby clothes into the drawers will be cleaning the pile of clothes and junk off my chair and getting it out of the room and then setting up the bassinet (no, we haven’t done that yet).  We also really need to get the bags of books to sell and the bags of clothes to give away out of the house – they take up a LOT of space in the hallway.  The money the books generate will be poured back into baby and moving costs.  Some of the t-shirts we had planned to give away I rescued so I can cut them up into baby wipes.  I wish I had that sewing machine so I could serge the edges.  I found this awesome site about sewing your own diapers, but I am not sure that I am that motivated!

Kelly and I also prepared for baby in another way: we’ve received the advice to go to movies now, while we still can, so we went to see Hulk on the Fourth of July.  It was pretty good, except that the emotional climax of the film took place before the obligatory big-cgi-fight-scene climax, and the latter was waaay too long.  I really enjoyed the story, though.  Good characterization by Edward Norton and Bill Hurt, and actual chemistry between Liv Tyler and Norton (amazing since Liv never seems to have chemistry with anyone).  I’m really looking forward to the Batman movie coming out.  We’ve also been renting a lot of films, and two I highly recommend are Lone Star by John Sayles and Blame it on Fidel! by Julie Gavras.  Both really, really good examples of complex storytelling.  Of course, there’s been a lot of chaff as well.

We also got to hang with friends this weekend: Kelly at the Esplanade for fireworks on the 4th, and both of us on Saturday for an awesome game of Dungeon and Dragons at Summer’s house.  That was the most fun gaming I have had in a long time – not boring at all, and it made me want to do it again soon.

I got in a big argument with Kelly Saturday night though about whether we are living up to our vow to be hospitable, something we both take very seriously.  I’ve been so concerned lately with being at home and getting it all ready for the baby that I haven’t paid much attention to his desire to be social – and in the local group of friends maximum sociability comes with playing host to a party.  Not that we could have hosted the game (we just don’t have a table big enough), but we could have hosted the after-party and then offered a place for Josh and Casey to sleep over.  Or alternately, I could have personally opted out but not told Kelly he needed to be home by 10:30 so we could get a full night’s sleep and have the energy to work on the house the next day.  Sometimes my needs seem so loud to me that I forget that Kelly has needs too, and his priorities may not line up exactly with mine.  Or that even when our priorities do match, the way that we choose to fulfill them may differ.  Anyway, after talking it out we both felt a lot better.  We even had hot make-up sex the next day!

Current pregnancy fear: that the baby is in a side-lying position and will not turn head-down before the birth.  (They still move around a lot, so there doesn’t seem to be a big reason for concern.  I don’t feel that the baby is stuck, for instance.)

Current pregnancy excitement: after some focused nipple stimulation, I can get a large drop of colostrum out of each of my nipples.  The taps are on!

Midwife appointment, Heat, Ultrasound

Last Wednesday (June 4) I had an appointment with Tiffany, my midwife.  The appointment went well.  I had a few questions for her, which were answered to my satisfaction.  How can you tell what position the baby is in?  (It’s too early to tell – the baby is still moving around a lot at this point.)  Will my anemia affect my ability to give birth in the birth center?  (Probably not – only very severe cases of anemia are transferred to the hospital.  Even though I am taking Floradix twice daily, I will probably get a bit more anemic as the pregnancy goes on because my blood volume will continue to expand and red blood cells take months to manufacture.  However, this should not be a problem.)  Tiffany filled out the forms for my FMLA maternity leave from Tufts, and I filled out a form to get my medical records released so I could take a copy of them with me to Seattle just in case.

As usual, I peed in a cup and got weighed and had my fundal height measured.  My fundal height was less than would be expected for my gestational age, so Tiffany ordered an ultrasound for me to make sure that the baby was developing normally.  Because babies vary so much in size, only babies who measure below the 10th percentile or above the 90th percentile in size are considered abnormal.  I was worried all week about it.  What if my baby wasn’t growing right?  There could be many possible reasons for this, including malfunctioning placenta and malnutrition.  All “mal” – bad!  On the other hand, the constant movement in my belly was very reassuring and the baby certainly feels big!

I had the ultrasound yesterday, and all is well.  I could not be more “normal” – my baby is in the 49th percentile in terms of size.  Exactly in the middle of the curve.  The ultrasound machine estimated his or her current height at just over 18 cm and current weight at over 4 and a half pounds.  Very reassuring!!  The only lame part about this ultrasound was getting jabbed really hard by the tech, who wanted to get a good shot of the skull circumference.  The baby (once again) was in a not-ideal position, with its head tucked down under my public bone.  It felt like the tech was trying to pry my pubic bone up with the wand.  Fun.  And for the rest of the day, the baby was grumpy, full of activity and wiggling.  I am sure it got a headache from all the pressure!

The other big pregnancy happening was the horrible heat this week.  The heat index got up to 105 degrees with the humidity on Tuesday, and the heat and humidity combined have been brutal.  Not only am I not sleeping well, but my feet have been swelling.  The weather is back down to 80 today though, which means my swelling is gone.  We have window unit A/Cs in our apartment, but they only cool the temperature to about 15 degrees below outside, so if it’s 100 outside it is still 85 in the apartment and too hot to sleep.  I am hoping that this whole summer will not be like that.  The trip to Seattle tomorrow sounds great, and I am really looking forward to the shower.

I keep logging on to TheThingsIWant.com to add more items to my list, but it is very overwhelming.  I think I need to actually go to some stores to see what they have.  It’s hard to tell, for instance, which stroller handle will be more comfortable in terms of angle, grip, and height without actually holding them.  Similarly, which crib is sturdiest and is the right height to bend over the rails.  I am going to try to add a few more things today, though.  Consumer Reports recommends the Chicco Key Fit as the best infant car seat, and that seems like the kind of thing you don’t want to skimp on.

Alex just emailed the baby shower menu, which sounds yummy enough that I am going to post it here.

Edamame dip with rice crackers, jicama, raw vegetables, etc.

Mango salsa wontons

Tofu and walnut stuffed mushrooms

Mini pizzas

Fruit cornucopia

Cupcakes, various sweets from Flying Apron vegan bakery

I am so excited to see my family and friends!!  And just for your information, I do like it when people put a hand on or rub my tummy.  I think people hesitate to do that, and I would be totally weirded out if a stranger did it, but I love it when my friends or family get to feel King Kong monkey around in there.  I recently discovered that my little munchkin (Mischieverina is our current nickname) loves to be rubbed as well.  If I rub or put hands on my sides, she or he moves so that she can get the attention, which is pretty uncomfortable for me!  If I just rub or put hands on the middle part of my belly and rub up and down rather than side to side, he will move into a much more comfortable vertical position.  Now I only rub in the middle up and down, and I think we’re both happier.  This kid is going to love getting massages!

New books I think I need: books on breastfeeding, infant massage, the first year of life, and infant health and care.  We’re going to take an infant CPR class, but I’m not sure I also need the breastfeeding class or the newborn essentials class.  Each class costs money!  I’ve looked into Rochester mommies groups, and there are a lot of them.  I am planning on hooking up with at least one group to make some friends when we move there.

I can’t wait to be in Sea-town!  Got to go buy those maternity compression hose for the plane today.

More evidence I made the right decision

Stress in pregnancy raises risks for baby

More on grad school

These two articles address my guilt:

1. Thomas H. Benton’s Is Graduate School a Cult? (The Chronicle of Higher Education, July 2, 2004)
2. When Is It Time to Quit?

If I take just this one class right now, I can (with permission from my advisor, my department, and the graduate school) transfer in two courses from another college and complete my two-course thesis long-distance. So it is possible that even if I move away from the area, if I take this class I could still complete the degree at Tufts. If I took this class and another class in the second summer session, I might be able to do a one-course project rather than a full thesis. In sum, if I wanted to, I could take the 5 classes necessary to complete the degree within the next two years. But only if I take this summer course…otherwise, I won’t have enough on-campus credits.

I have to consider the cost of the degree (no more tuition remission after I leave my job at Tufts), the opportunity cost, and the potential fiscal/career benefit of having the degree. I feel pretty strongly that degrees above a BA should be pursued to advance one’s career, rather than just for pleasure, at least at this stage in my life. Part of the problem is that I don’t know exactly what I want to do for a career, although I think I am closer to knowing than I have been in the past.

Self torture

You know how when little kids get to a certain point, they don’t know their own strength? They end up hitting or pushing an adult who admonishes them with “You are stronger than you think!” Their bodies are changing more quickly than their self-perception. I feel like that now, but about my energy level. I will feel “fine” or even “full of energy” and decide to do something like go to the beach with some friends. Then after 40 minutes on the beach have a complete emotional breakdown because I am so exhausted. Let me repeat…going TO THE BEACH was too stressful! What is the world (my body) coming to?!? My body’s actual energy levels are changing faster than my self-perception. Fortunately, a grape popsicle from the ice cream truck helped calm me down.

For the past week, since making the decision about maternity leave, I have been torturing myself about what to do regarding taking classes this summer. If I don’t take classes this summer, I will not be able to finish my degree at Tufts. On the other hand, taking classes (or even just one class) sound pretty hellish: on the days when I have class (Tuesday and Thursday from 4 to 7:30) I don’t get to take lunch from work because I use that hour at the end of the day going to class, and I eat dinner late. I am too tired to exercise, and I have spent a continuous 10 1/2 hours sitting in a chair, so my butt and my back hurt and I am generally uncomfortable. In addition, there is all the extra sitting I do on the weekend when reading my homework. And all of this takes away time I could be spending achieving my goals for this summer:

1. Spending time bonding with my baby
2. Eating well
3. Exercising (belly dancing) at least every other day
4. Getting plenty of rest
5. Practicing self-hypnosis techniques
6. Preparing our home for a baby (registering for baby gear, cleaning)
7. Getting rid of a lot of the stuff I have accumulated (books, papers, clothes, miscellaneous junk)
8. Packing stuff up in preparation for our move
9. Leaving my office in a very good place at the end of July, with an updated job description and procedures manual

So, the obvious solution is not to take any classes this summer. My dad says I should give myself permission to enjoy my pregnancy and focus on what I need now. There are a couple of reasons that I hesitate to do so.

One, giving up the Master’s degree closes some doors for me. I have never been closer to receiving a Master’s than I am now. Even if I transfer some of the credits I have earned here at Tufts to another degree program, I won’t be able to transfer them all. On the other hand, I no longer want to be a college professor. My experience teaching here this semester (and my experience teaching in public schools) has showed me that I prefer jobs that have defined work hours and duties to teaching, and that I find the process of getting published in an academic journal to be excruciating. Which makes my degree no longer very career-oriented. I just don’t want to give it up and then regret it later.

Two, I don’t want to disappoint all the people who have supported and rooted for me during the time I have been working towards this degree. My teachers, my husband, my family (both sides), and my friends. I don’t want to be a failure, a quitter, or a loser.

Three, I genuinely find the topic for my thesis interesting: the critique of American public education embodied by the free school movement in the ’70s, and the solutions and failures of the movement itself. But maybe I could pursue this interest outside of the academy? Despite my interest, I do not want to go through the process of writing a formal thesis. It was bad enough at Bard, where I scraped by with a creative project.

So then I think to myself, well, what if I try it out for another week? Will time help me make this decision? It’s not a question of whether I could take the classes – of course I could. It’s a question of living according to my priorities, and I am just not sure how to balance my short-term goals with my long-term desire to find a satisfying career. I am not certain that this degree is part of my path, and perhaps my very uncertainty is pointing me in the direction of putting my education on hold. A degree is not just expensive in terms of money, but in terms of my life-energy.

I would love comments.

Maternity Leave

So, I have been running into this big problem where I need to take maternity leave – if nothing else, for the health insurance coverage – but I am also planning to quit my job, which negates the leave. I talked to my human resources rep about it, and she was like, “You need to think about yourself, not your office. Tufts offers this great benefit, and you should plan to take advantage of it. You can call anytime during your maternity leave to tell your office that you will not be returning.” But I had already opened my big mouth at work about the possibility of moving. So I had to tell my supervisor something, and what I told her was that Kelly did get the job in Rochester and did not get the job in Boston, but for now we are planning as though we will be staying in Boston. She asked what “for now” meant – a week, a month, 6 months? I told her that there was no specific timeline that we had set for making a decision. So basically, now it’s as if I had never talked about moving, and the office is assuming I will just be returning after the leave. My plan, I think, is to take about half of the leave – 6 weeks – and then call my supervisor and tell her I have made the decision that I will not be coming back. Kelly’s new job’s insurance should have kicked in by then, so I will be constantly covered, which is my biggest concern. Since Tufts asks that I give notice equivalent to my annual vacation days (15 business days or 3 weeks), I may also decide to take 9 weeks of leave before calling. It’s tough because I want to do right by the office, but I also want to do right by my new family. I have had a really good experience working at Tufts, and I would like to be able to use my supervisor as a strong reference when applying for future positions. Between now and the birth, I will be trying to clear my desk, rewrite my job description, and prepare for the next person, knowing I will not be returning.

I considered the option of telling my supe/HR that I will be resigning a month or two after my leave – say, at the end of November or mid-December, so the search for my replacement could start during my leave and I would just take the whole thing. However, that seemed way too complicated, and I would still not be coming back after the leave so I would have to break that news anyway.

Lisa, the part-time records assistant in my office, will be covering my position during the maternity leave. She knows the whole score about my plans, and wrote me an email saying:

“I think HR is absolutely right and the selfish part of me thinks that I should be able to prove myself and I am hoping there won’t be a need for a replacement. I am glad you told me though because I was starting to search other places for more hours because I think if you tell them you are not coming back right from the get go they are not even willing to give me a chance [to have the job on a permanent basis]. Whenever you decide to let her know is up to you I would do the nine weeks but that is just me. And I hope you and Kelly both know that if you need help packing or watching the baby while you are here I am more than willing to help.”

I feel guilty about not being completely upfront with my office, but this was the best solution I could come up with, and I honestly don’t think it will screw them too much.